I have now officially seen every movie in the Conjuring Cinematic Universe, and one thing has become very clear. Or, more accurately, not clear at all: these movies are dark. Literally. Often so dark you can barely make out what's happening. And this is probably why the majority of the scares in them come from sudden loud noises, and less from genuine dread and horror.
But I will give credit to the first film, 2013's The Conjuring. Of all of these movies supposedly based on "true events," that one felt at least partially believable, and as a result, it creeped me out more than once. Even if I don't believe in ghosts or demons or hauntings or possessions, I do know that weird and freaky stuff does happen, and even if there may ultimately be a logical explanation for a lot of it, it can feel like still freaky stuff! Dozens of pictures falling off a wall at once. Doors slamming shut by themselves. Ghostly figures. Creaky sounds in the attic. These are all scary because they are relatable. But too many of the supposed scares in The Conjuring: Last Rites are hallucinations, dreams, or just plain implausible (a girl vomits up copious amounts of blood and shards of glass and is seemingly fine days later), that it ceases being scary, and at over two-hours long, becomes a chore.
And look, I get that the vast majority of horror movies are going to be based in fantasy. I don't demand realism in all of my horror. But it just feels like The Conjuring movies are trying to have it both ways, touting the true event inspirations, and then showing us things that would never, ever, in a million years, actually happen.
But the thing is, I like this fictional version of the Warrens! I like their devotion to each other. I like Lorraine's high necked lace shirts and bouffant hairdos. I like that they have a basement full of dangerous unholy artifacts that they're not above showing off during parties. As demon hunters, they're a lot of retro fun. I just don't understand why the creators of this series, in knowing they are going to wildly exaggerate these supposedly true stories, continue to squander the opportunity to do truly scary things. This very well may be the end of the Warrens and the Conjuring, and while I'll be sad to see them go, I'm not going to mourn the end of the increasingly preposterous stories that surround them.
