Weekend Screen Scene: Snow White

Snow White, Disney's latest live-action update of a classic animated feature, was barely announced before the controversy surrounding it began. Some of the uproar was garbage, and some probably had some legitimacy. In either case, it resulted in a lot of negative buzz for the movie, ultimately even causing Disney to tone down its Hollywood premiere in an excess of caution.

When I say some of the uproar was garbage, I'm talking mainly about the screams of protest that erupted the second it was announced that Rachel Zegler, a Hispanic woman, was cast as Snow White. No matter that she does look the part, and has the voice needed for the musical role. And after seeing the movie, I can safely say, she's good! The movie's other efforts at inclusion could almost be called aggressive, and to that I also say, good. If this Snow White manages to piss off a bunch of racists, I do not have a single problem with that.

I'm less enthusiastic about the casting of Gal Gadot, and only some of that has to do with her stance on the Israel/Palestine conflict. I'm against her primarily because she cannot sing, and she brings nothing but her beauty to the role of the Wicked Queen, a character that deserves to be played with some level of camp and wicked joie de vivre.

Which brings us to the dwarves of it all. Frankly, I do not know how you can approach a story that features five dwarves who are primarily there for comedic relief and not have it be problematic. Feature them as fully animated characters, and you are depriving real actors from the LP community of acting roles. Cast real actors, and you are limiting their humanity to being the film's comic relief. It's a no win situation that Disney seems to have tried to rectify by casting one real LP to do one of the voices, and another as an entirely new character, who is not one of the dwarves.

To be fair, the word "dwarf" is never mentioned in this new Snow White (hence the truncated title), and since the "dwarves" are fully animated, and do not look much like the real LP who is also in the film, I believe we are to think of them as closer to gnomes, or purely fantastical beings. (They are, after all, said to be almost 250 years old).

The film's biggest sin is not in any of these controversies, but that it is simply not a lot of fun. Of course Snow White as a character had to be expanded, and given more agency. Having a heroine whose main character attributes are cleaning and falling in love with a man she's barely even met just would not fly today. And I can't argue with the film's chosen plotline that focuses on rising up against an evil leader who cares more about themself than those they lead, because, hello. But mixing in rebellion with peppy songs and cute (and I mean really, really cute) animals leaves us with a film that, while beautiful, in a Thomas Kincaide kind of way, is tonally all over the place, and only rarely captures the cinematic magic of the original classic.

Weekend Screen Scene: Mickey 17

Mickey 17 is director Bong Joon-Ho's first film since 2019's Oscar winning Parasite, and it tackles many of the themes found in that, and in his 2017 film Okja, specifically, capitalism, class, and how we humans treat each other, and other living things, all with the dark humor he's best known for.

Robert Pattinson stars as Mickey Barnes, who, like many people on the Earth of 2054, is desperate to leave, although his reasons center more on getting away from loan sharks than trying to escape a planet that's seen better days. That desperation results in him signing up to be an "expendable" on a space mission to colonize a planet, only realizing too late what this means: that he will be a human guinea pig tasked with the most deadly jobs and horrible experiments that will all lead to inevitable death, again and again. And these things will happen again and again because he will be cloned, with all memories intact, again and again. (That the cloning process essentially involves Mickey coming out of a huge 3D printer over and over is the film's funniest running gag.)

The colonizing mission is led by a Kenneth Marshall, a billionaire who, having failed as a politician, decides to just create his own fiefdom, and his wife, Ylfa, who is obsessed with...sauces. They are played, with much cartoonish villainy, by Mark Ruffalo and Toni Collette, and it's not too hard to see a lot of this country's present leaders in their characterizations.

Mickey's life lives has one bright spot, and it's a girlfriend named Nasha (Naomi Ackie), who seems to view Mickey's multiple incarnations as a kinky asset and not a fault. But their relationship, and Mickey's future, is put to the test after their ship lands on the new planet, and Mickey breaks the one rule about "expendables"...

Robert Pattinson's performance, or more accurately, performances, as Mickey, complete with a very weird accent reportedly inspired by Steve Buscemi's voice in Fargo, is the highlight of the movie, and definitely keeps it afloat when it could easily sink under some of its clunkier moments. At times, it drags, especially its climax, which involves an extended confrontation with the native inhabitants of the planet. But Pattinson as the Mickeys, the all too familiar political absurdity that surrounds them, and Bong Joon-Ho's patented black humor, is a welcome reprieve from the actual absurdity of today.

Weekend Screen Scene: The Monkey

Osgood Perkins has been churning out atmospheric horror films for a few years now, but his latest, The Monkey, is his first outright horror comedy. Loosely adapted from the Stephen King short story "The Monkey," which was published in his 1985 collection Skeleton Crew, it's centered on an evil toy monkey that causes random deaths whenever the key in its back is turned, and its drumstick hits its drum.

The film follows the structure of many Stephen King properties, beginning with a story about kids, then leading to the story of them as adults. In this case, it's twin brothers Hal and Bill (Christian Convery), who live with their single mother Lois (Tatiana Maslany) after their airline pilot father (Adam Scott) ditches the family, leaving behind all the random junk he'd collected in his world travels, including a pristine, albeit very creepy wind-up toy monkey.

The boys, who hate each other, soon learn that monkey has the power to kill, which leads to a serious of random and very gruesome accidental deaths that the boys are eventually able to put on pause. For a while. Adult Hal and Bill (Theo James) grow up completely estranged, but the Monkey's return finds them both dealing with old grievances and new carnage. 

I've appreciated Oz Perkins' films, but I've never found myself really loving any of them. Too often I come away from them with the nagging feeling that he thinks he's way more clever than he actually is. I like The Monkey more than any of his past works, including last year's Longlegs, and the fact that it is a comedy that does succeed in its humor the majority of the time is probably why. I laughed a lot. But that doesn't mean it is without its flat jokes, and it's the jokes that fall flat that had me once again feeling that the movie is not quite as clever as it thinks it is.

The other film that most easily comes to mind when watching The Monkey is Final Destination. Both deal with the idea of death as inevitable destiny. But Final Destination's humor was built around the suspense of just how its characters would meet their end, which often happened in crazy Rube Goldberg-esque scenarios. In The Monkey, the deaths are just a series of sudden punchlines to the same joke, and not all of those punchlines land. Enough of them do to make the movie a success, but I'm still not completely sold on Osgood Perkins as our new master of horror...

Weekend Screen Scene: Captain America: Brave New World, Paddington in Peru

Captain American: Brave New World is ostensibly a sequel to Captain America: Civil War, and the Disney+ series The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. At least, that's what one would assume. But in reality, it's also a sequel to 2003's The Incredible Hulk, which you may not remember since it came out over twenty years ago and didn't star Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk; it starred Edward Norton.

I may not be up on all Marvel Cinematic Universe lore, but I feel like I know enough to be confused by this decision, especially since the villain from that film also returns, and I'm sorry, as much as I may like Tim Blake Nelson, Samuel Sterns (AKA The Leader), at least as depicted in these two movies, is a boring villain! Also, very gross. Gross and boring do not a charismatic villain make! 

Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie) is now officially Captain America, passing his Falcon wings down to Joaquin Torres (Danny Ramirez). This Captain America is not a super soldier, which one would assume would be a detriment, and it is. I can't believe at one time I complained about these Marvel movies having too many superheroes per movie because Brave New World feels empty with only one, especially one that could more easily die in any fight he's in.

For the majority of the movie, we also only have one villain, and this lack is only barely helped by the arrival of the Red Hulk, since that doesn't happen until the film's last fifteen minutes. (I'd say spoiler alert but it's on the poster. It ain't a surprise.) The overarching plot is also a snooze, centered on newly elected President Thaddeus Ross (Harrison Ford, taking over the role from the late William Hurt) and his efforts to garner a treaty centered on the Celestial Island in the middle of the Indian Ocean that you probably don't know about unless you saw Eternals (which I have, and I barely remembered it).

As this is a Marvel movie, there are plenty of action sequences and fight scenes, but aside from some ridiculous monumental destruction near the film's end, none are particularly memorable. (Also, the theater I saw the movie in was so loud I began to dread any scene that wasn't just characters talking.)

I appreciate the idea of a Black Captain America, but the issue of this Black man fighting in the name of a country that has historically not championed Black Americans is pretty much ignored. Perhaps they figured since it had been covered a bit in the TV series, it didn't need mentioning. But that decision ultimately makes this already hollow movie feel practically cavernous.

Let's move on to a movie franchise that has yet to have a misfire: the Paddington movies! Paddington in Peru is the third film in the Paddington series, and while this one is a departure in many ways. with a new director, a new location, and, in some cases, a new cast, it's still got the same Paddington, and is therefore a delight.

Paddington the bear still loves his marmalade, still lives with the Brown family, and is still liable to stir up some misguided mischief. When he learns that his beloved aunt Lucy has gone missing from the Home for Retired Bears in Peru, Paddington and the Browns venture to his homeland to find her, and, as it turns out, possibly find the lost city of El Dorado along the way.

Hugh Bonneville is back as Mr. Brown, but Mrs. Brown is now played by Emily Mortimer, replacing Sally Hawkins. Most importantly, Ben Whishaw continues to voice Paddington, because any changes in that sweet and calming voice would surely be the death of the franchise. The best addition to the cast this time around is Olivia Colman who is hilarious as the Reverend Mother at the Home for Retired Bears. She's a nun with some secrets.

Paddington 2 was one of the rare sequels that was actually better than the film it follows, and while Paddington in Peru doesn't quite reach that level, it still manages to carry on the series in a utterly satisfying way. (And fans of Paddington 2 should definitely stick around for the credits for a little cameo at the end.)

Weekend Screen Scene: Heart Eyes, Love Hurts

Valentine's Day lends itself well to a horror movie plot, especially when you consider the violent origins of the holiday itself. The most well known V-Day horror is probably My Bloody Valentine, though my personal fave is a batshit crazy 1982 movie known as both Hospital Massacre and X-Ray. 

This year's entry into the Valentine's horror genre is Heart Eyes, which attempts to blend horror with romantic comedy but only partially succeeds at either. Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding star as Ally and Jay, two young professionals who meet cute but end up together on a platonic work date on Valentine's Day while Heart Eyes, a serial killer who targets couples is on the loose. When the killer sets his sights on Ally and Jay, they try to convince him they aren't actually a couple, to no avail.

Too much of the movie feels like a first draft, with jokes that fall flat more often than they hit, a weirdly paced plot with scenes that go one forever, all leading to an ending that's both obvious and dumb. Heart Eyes wants to be Scream so bad, but it isn't nearly as clever; it's a waste of a genuinely good concept for a slasher killer's mask, even if those heart eyes don't make a lot of sense when you think about it.

Before his return to acting and a Best Supporting Actor Oscar win for Everything Everywhere All At Once, Ke Huy Quan had been working behind the scenes choreographing fight sequences for a number of action films. Now he's the one doing the fighting in Love Hurts, this week's second Valentine's Day-themed film. And while not a horror movie, it definitely has as much, if not more, blood and violence as most of the V-Day horror movies out there.

Quan stars as Marvin, a seemingly mild-mannered real estate agent who finds himself called back into the crime world he left behind when Rose (Ariana DeBose), the woman he loves but was also supposed to kill years ago, returns to town.

Aside from that, the film really doesn't have much of a plot, and is instead scene after scene of fighting and shootouts, shootouts and fighting. As good as some of these sequences are - director Jonathan Eusebio does his best to place the camera in some unexpected places - it gets very repetitive very quickly, to the point of exhaustion. I fought the good fight and kept my eyes open, but I promise it wasn't an easy battle to win.